Shades of Zindagi

Genuinely attempting attending all classes this semester is one of my latest resolutions. I had never imagined classes being anything but inhuman tortures poor students are subjected to. Those who did attend them were probably seeking atonement of their sins. As the new time-table came out, I was one of the many who groaned on seeing that we were supposed to remain in the classrooms from 8 o’ clock in the morning till 1 in the afternoon. This marathon lecture series was supposed to be devoid of any breaks (unless, of course, I chose to break my resolution).

With much effort, I and my wingies have managed to be somewhat regular in class during the first week. What surprised me the most is that classes aren’t all that dry and uninteresting. Especially when your thermodynamics professor goes on and on and on with lines like, “Only macroscopic kinetic energy can essentially cause mechanical work. Essentially what happens is that this kinetic energy essentially raises the internal energy of the system. I hope you recall that internal energy is essentially a state function unlike heat which is essentially a path function. “ According to a mate who was 'essentially' awake during the entire lecture, the word ‘essentially’ was uttered ninety eight times within that hour. To accompany that, the instructor willingly used the air quotes on thirty one instances. Whatever the histrionics be, thermo was my favourite topic and hence this lecture was also the most bearable.

Where Thermo wasn’t much of a pain, Fluid Mechanics a.k.a. FluMech was poles apart. The instructor had had this brainwave of allotting a seat number to every student. Not only did that separate me from my league of last-benchers but also got me marooned amongst completely new people. Also, having no cute girl sitting nearby added another tinge of sadness….These are times when you are glad you have a camera phone. You can always weave a story out of your snaps. Here are some of them….

Empty seats, people catching up on their beauty-sleep and hangman in 'essentially' more than half the registers ... well, L17 isn't all that uninteresting!

Its 8am...an earthly hour by my standards. It is the time when I am lost in deep, blissful slumber. That is when my cellphone rings. I don't remember setting an alarm last night. Those who know me even a little bit know not to call me up at this early in the morning. The caller seems unknown. Its the first time I am seeing this number. Must be a friend who's got a new SIM to chat with his/her partner. I bless the telecom companies who've come up with wonderful schemes for the young Romeos and Juliets. I receive the call ..............

A shrill, loud, blood-curdling and to top it all...a female voice(my apologies to all the lady readers ;-)) greets me with, " Kya aap apni purani ringtone se chhutkara paana chahte hain? Dial kijiye ****** aur paiye latest Bollywood ringtones bilkul muft. Isse accha mauka aur kahaan? Jaldi kijiye, offer sirf aaj ke din valid rahegi( from that day onwards, i got such a call EVERYDAY). Call charges 'sirf' 6 rupaiye prati minute...After this Himesh Reshamiya starts howling into my earpiece...I have had enough already and I end the call.

In the midst of my silent cursing, my cell buzzes off and I realize that a ruppee has been deducted from my balance. These guys know I am 'roaming'! My resolve to cut the next call I receive from these pricks is broken the same day when the guys call me again using yet another number... :( :( :(

Being awarded with loads of time this summer, I thought I should indulge in a bit of introspection. In fact, writing this article is a part of that act. At the end of it, I am much less lost and confused. I think I have reached a conclusion regarding what I really want out of life. But then, this is my wish-list as of today. A few years down the line, this list might need an over-haul. Anyways, just for the sake of putting on record the nineteen year old Soumil’s wishes, I write on...

· I want a happy family with a sound support system of my parents, my wife and my kids.

· I want people who have stood by me through thick and thin to be happy. I hope they won’t regret supporting me.

· I want my detractors to be sorry and miserable. I realize that is a cruel thought. But then, here I want to be as honest as possible.

· I want to be as rich as possible as long as I am within the comfort zone of my conscience as well as that of my capacity to work hard. My maternal uncle unknowingly made me realize this and I am indebted to him for this amongst other reasons.

· I want to be able to enjoy the small joys of life (like visiting my college, years after I graduate) and would love it if my profession grants me that freedom. For this very reason, I would like to be self-employed.

· I would like to make a difference to the society. Someday, I will love to start my own school which isn’t affiliated to any ‘board’ but will be a place where students really understand and experience real learning. I will teach here.

· I want to write a book and also publish it. It would be a journey down my memory lane.

· Fame is something I crave for and hope I achieve it one day for some genuinely good work…unlike today (people concerned will understand this).

· I would love to travel a lot. Visiting Ladakh is a dream I know will surely come true.

· I want to keep on editing this list as wishes either get fulfilled or seem futile. A few decades from now, I want to be satisfied with the way I have lived till then and should want to look forward to many more great years.

Till then, let me devise ways to mark as fulfilled, one wish after another and another…

The moment I saw her for the first time, my heart skipped a beat. Nah…not one but a few beats. Her delicate persona was magnetic. I knew she was the One for me. She had an aura of purity I couldn’t attribute to any single feature of hers. I smiled and I think she smiled back too. I wanted to touch her, feel her, and know her better. Somehow I knew this was the beginning of a new long-lasting relationship. Maybe this is what people called love at first sight. We had a long journey ahead of us. Together, it wouldn’t be too daunting. I would stand by her till the very end. Her fresh look assured me that she would never tire of being my companion. I no longer felt lonely. With her around, I needed no one else. She was going to be one friend who would never ever betray me. Nervous, I found my hand reaching for her. I touched her and knew immediately what unadulterated bliss was. I wanted to say something but also found the silence magical. It must have been a few minutes before I actually spoke. Her reply however shattered all my dreams. Hell broke loose and I lay stunned. I didn’t know whom to blame. Maybe, things like this happened only to some unfortunate few like me. All she had managed to say was: “Audio drivers have not been installed. Please contact an authorized dealer to fix the problem”

My new laptop had betrayed me.

I thought of writing this piece as I watched the trailer of some flick called ‘Love Story 2050’. Going by the pace the world today is moving, I don’t find such a tragedy impossible. Lol…

As the news of my senior committing suicide reaches me, I feel its high time people outside and also some people inside(read professors)the IITs realize how dark life can get for a student of these 'prestigious' institutes. The rate at which such tragedies have struck only lays bare the fact that something is terribly wrong with the system. Myself, being a student of IITK am not at all exaggerating when I say that most of us are under unimaginable pressure which only increases when our academic performances aren't up to the expectations of not only our parents and teachers but also our peers. I can hardly dare to guess the 'score' the next year onwards when we have somewhere around fifty percent of the intake who has got admitted on merit...

Another point I found worth mentioning is the perception people outside have of students studying @ the IITs. I have had some very interesting and disturbing reactions when it comes to students ending their lives.Some feel that IITians can't handle stress as well as others can. They are isolated from the 'real' world and hence aren't exposed to hardships everyone has to deal with. Well, I beg to differ.Now, you may say that I am bound to defend IITians since I myself belong to that group. Yes, this is true but the reasons behind me speaking out go beyond mere loyalty to the institute.I have experienced life here for an entire year now, and have seen and experienced from close quarters, the problems students have to deal with. When the troubles keep on adding up and never seem to stop, life does seem worth-getting-rid-of. I am in no way trying to justify people ending their lives. I only hope that people deal these occurrences a bit more sensitively and not go overboard with labeling the victims 'too weak'. Yes, they had been weak when they did what they did...but its not entirely their fault. Maybe, they didn't have a sound support system around them. They got pushed to the very limits of human tolerance and that is when they broke.

I guess, it would serve our purpose better if we try to go to the root of the problem and not be satisfied with blaming the easy targets.